On June 24, 2022 I was shipped to Garden State Youth Correctional Facility (male facility), due to the fact that I had hung myself in the van, I was placed on Sui-cide watch, prior to going to this darkly lot cell, I attempt to ask Officers if I could be strip searched by a female officer which I felt comfortable doing …The Lieutenant refused and mocked me as I asked for this, he said if I did not follow his commands to allow two male officers to strip search me he was going to cut all my clothes off of me and place me in a dry cell. I cried and complied with his commands as the male officer said things to me that I perceived as wrong. I was placed in a dark cell within Detention housing, as inmates who are on watch are placed in the detention unit and not the infirmary!
Subsequently I was transferred to New Jersey State Prison, where guards continued to call me he and him….I was called he and him well over 30 times, this has not happened to me in years being referred to primarily as a man. When I arrived at Trenton state prison several guards strip searched me and placed me in the infirmary on constant watch. While on constant watch I was off camera where a guard told me “I don’t give a fuck what you do ….there is no camera here..” “everyone here is man including you”. Each time they opened my door I was handcuffed and yanked by officers using a handcuff belt. I was scared that I refused to speak, I kept shaking by the site of their billy clubs that they held in their hand.
This is the hell that NJDOC wants to put me through, this is my punishment for what occurs over 2 months ago, they have violated my right to be safe and free from sexual harassment, by putting me in one of the most violent youth Correctional facilities. While living here at GYSC, I have found my self under attack by young inmates who are immature and just plain ignorant towards a person like me. On Saturday I was in medication line when a inmate cut in front of me, and said “I am not standing behind no fag” “the inmate than spit directly in my direction”, I came back and washed my clothing’s knowing deep down, that I can not and will not live like this!! I don’t think DOC realizes the psychological damage that has been done from moving me out of a womens prison to a male facility, its harsh and, I don’t know what its like to live as a man, and In refuse to ever revert back to such habits or behavior.
The fact that this prison does not have air, does not have cable does not allow video visits does not have and LGBT groups is mind blowing, yet they said that I am here for safety no please understand that I am here for punishment, just the sad part is this punishment may kill me. Mentally I have not been myself and I am losing my essence. The Demi, who wants to wear make-up and hangout with her friends is not permitted here. They have said that I can have my make-up but the truth is we know its a death wish, its literally going to cause more harassment. I have accepted that I am in a male facility but I have not accepted nor will I ever agree to or accept that I am anything other than a woman who happens to be transgender.
I pray that someone hears my voice I pray that punishment ends and that something takes place to stop this abuse, this was a horrible decision, I would have rather stayed in EMCF’s lock up than to have to endure this, I am not safe and would rather be a close custody inmate at EMCF than to stay here. They want to protect my safety….they said that I was removed for my safety….At what point does anyone truly consider my safety?
As a woman who is transgender I truly fear what lies ahead for me, its clear that staff have looked for some kind of security reason to kick me out of the only female correctional facility, they have thrown me to the wolfs and expected for me just gave up, I am baffled and disgusted by this use power and I can only ask that the commissioner and governors office please send me back. I don’t deserve to be treated like this.